bourgie.

i hate when people write bougie since it reads like boogie to me. the original word is bourgeois so therefore i write the abbreviation as such.

anyway.

according to urbandictionary, bourgie means:

Someone who is class-conscious, with educated and discerning tastes, and interested in enjoying the finer things in life. It is definitely not high-class, aristoratic, snooty, or snobbish. “Bourgie” is as much an idea, and a state of mind, as it is an attitude towards enjoying good food, good friends, and good conversation, everyday. It evokes a mood of simple elegance, casual yet sophisticated—modern.

i personally like that definition. other definitions include being stuck-up and snobby. but they're wrong.
my family is not rich but we are comfortable. i don't have to take out any loans to attend college, and if i want something i usually get it. my buddy derek calls me bourgie all the time since i have discriminatory tastes and i honestly just find the term funny. this coming from a dude who goes to china, speaks 4 different languages, and has very discriminatory tastes [i know you're reading this derek! :-P don't be calling me bourgie!!!] besides, most [NOT ALL]black people at unc are bourgie.

i recognize that at times i can be elitist towards blacks who are from or behave as if they are from lower social classes. but damnit i can't help it. i understand people who just don't have a certain amount of money. that's not a character flaw. but i just can not handle excessively loud classless people. and those people disproportionately and stereotypically come from people from poorer backgrounds. i understand that some people do not know any different [i won't say better] and that type of behavior is acceptable where they're from.

then again i know quite a few people who are not from poor backgrounds who still act "ghetto"
those people get on my fucking nerves.

the main reason why i probably have a disdain for "ghetto" people is that their behavior usually reflects on me and all black people even though i do not behave like them.

it's not just behavior. i judge people on their clothes [which is wrong, i know] people in those loud tacky print jackets. wearing almost anything from rave, dots, or rainbow. baby phat. [like the perfumes, hate the clothes] anything endorsed by beyonce including her tacky ass clothing line.

i need to work on that.



this basically describes me:
stuff educated black people like
except for the part about getting dressed up and oprah...fuck oprah.


i am not bourgie. gosh.



...nvm

posting cuz i'm bored

cuz surprisingly people actually read this shit.

random time
i'm buying a dress this weekend. because i don't own one.
and some makeup. i'm an undercover girly girl...shhh.
i need a new lens for nikolai cuz my cousin broke it but i'll just wait until the middle of the summer.
i'm almost a junior in college? shit. i just graduated high school last week.
i should stop being on super stealth ninja mode, people don't call me anymore.
i want some cheese grits.


i've been rocking this on repeat for the past day and a half.
dope as shiiiiiiit. def copping that rising down LEGALLY.

late.

if it's one thing i hate.
it's when people are late.

not talking about being on time...because i strictly adhere to cp time.

i mean like musically and stylewise.

i'm all for good music and shit.
but it's annoying when you're acting like you're so knowledgeable about this "new" artist and hyping the fuck out of them...that i was up on months ago...

i pride myself on having pretty dope taste in music. i also pride myself on the fact that i don't wear it on my fucking sleeve trying to be trendy.







my asshole tendencies are showing...





and why can't i fucking sleep?

can i be m.i.a. for a day, please?

thanks.

i'm not even gonna talk about her music.

she's one of those love her or hate her type artists.

but her style is that ridic.

but i'm not a tiny sri lankan woman. so i doubt i can pull any of that shit off.

i'm gonna write about something of substance someday soon.

love letter to no one

hey kid.
hurry the fuck up.
your side of the bed's getting cold.

-pb













yeah i don't do that mushy shit.

esthero

is dope x 2

she positively rocks my socks

listening to this RIGHT now.



featuring miguel who is also fucking dope

i swear.

i must be the unluckiest person ever.
can something good happen to me?
please?
please?!?!






fuck.

imogen heap

is mad decent.

[that's a really tame picture of her, her style is pretty eccentric...like bjork level]
hats off to her parents for that being her actual fucking name.

she's a british singer who is also a part of the group frou frou.

i like to mellow out to her voice. she's been on repizzeat for the past few days.

my favorite song by her is 'goodnight and go'
it's about a guy that she's seeing that she really likes but doesn't want to like him
she's slightly stalking him but it's ok because he doesn't know and he likes her too
[...stalking is never ok]

but this song is. peep.

death

i just heard that my auntie died.

i've never cried when someone died.
all my tears are shed before the actual death.
but when it happens i can't bring myself to cry.

my soul is in shock i guess.
they say when you're in shock you feel no pain.
a little piece of my soul breaks off when someone that i know dies.
then it has to regroup and reform in order to function without that piece.

[sigh]

porn.

is funny.

like at this point i just think it's so hilarious. like it's not a reflection of real human relationships so therefore it does absolutely nothing for me. it's like watching acrobats to me. if a girl actually knew how to do most of that shit, most dudes would be apprehensive to sleep with her because she's probably worn a groove into the block going around it so many times. hat's off to the people that have so little concern for their bodies to do that shit.

my favorite movie is about a dude addicted to porn. funny ass shit.

i don't understand men's fascination with porn. then again i don't understand strip clubs and prostitutes. my thoughts are best summed up by this video




lmao.

i realized that i post so often cuz i only spend like...3 minutes on a post vs. my old blog where i actually put thought and effort into that shit.


ah well.

meet nikolai.

he's the current love of my life.

he's half japanese [duh look at him] half russian [hence the name]

i had a crazy crush on his little brother x.

but he won me over with photos like this.

we're in love.


it's an open relationship though.

birthdays.

i don't really care for them.

haven't since i was 13

i think i'm starting to develop the mindset that older people get that they're just glad that they've lived another year, yet think about how old they are and how little they've accomplished.

i mean i'm only 19 but still. grr.

i'm paying for half of my birthday present to myself anyway.

my parents are usually the only people who actually give me gifts on my birthday.

the idea of birthday gifts is a little screwy though, like...here congrats on popping out of your mom's vadge today __ years ago.

ehh.

insomnia.

i don't sleep that much at night.
i used to sleep all the time.
i guess all those years i was just storing up rest for now.

i have the best conversations between 2 and 6 a.m.
when my mother can't sleep she'll call me or come into my room if i'm at home and we can have the most frank conversation. during the day we squabble about insignificant things due to our small but noticeable differences and surprising similarities.
i love talking to my friends at 3 a.m. drunk or not.
people are less guarded when they're slightly sleepy.


i like to just listen to people.
that makes for one creepy little kid just sitting in the corner listening to everything you say and not speaking.
i've learned to talk too [lol]

i'm awake again.
considering actually doing work.
or attempting to sleep again.
perhaps i'll try for sleep.








this is why i don't have morning classes.