Thursday, March 25, 2010

that wince.

*disclaimer, if you've read this blog before you know that i basically write in the order that i think. if my grammar/syntax bothers you...meh*

i've been inundated with articles and opinion pieces about how black women are single and lonely and white women are taking all the good black men (i'm not here to argue for or against that aspect...i don't care.)
basically the popular line is that ALL black women despise black men dating white women (they don't) and everybody who's not a black woman basically thinks that black women are bitter biddies and need to get over it and try to find a white man.
essence seems to do a piece on it every month as of late, even jill scott got in on the action. to the point that it's just ENOUGH. can we just talk about puppies for 3 months?


btw did you know how hard it was to find a pic of black men/white women that WASN'T porn or heidi klum & seal...smh.

however, it bothers me when people act like black women are crazy for having these sentiments. a (white) friend of mine, read the jill scott piece and said, "i thought she would know better" i didn't say anything because i wasn't in the mood, but i don't think people try to understand where some women are coming from when they have these feelings.
i did have a friend who got spitting mad whenever she saw a black dude with a white girl...she was crazy. but, jill scott's article on the 'wince' that some black women have is completely justifiable. i can't say i haven't 'winced' when i see an attractive black dude with an obviously less than attractive white woman.
i have said this before, i don't care about the preferences of people i'm not attracted to. if a lame black dude loves white women, i give him a standing ovation, because i don't have to worry about him ever considering darkening my doorstep...i'm just difficult like that.

for the record, i'm not one of those women who thinks that black men are sellouts or anything of that nature when they date non-black women. i'm open to dating men of all races, however, i understand where some black women are coming from when they express these feelings.

journalist toure tweeted a few weeks back "to black people that have a problem w/ black men and white women, does it give you pause to know that the klan agrees w/ you" or something to that effect...

i hate when people are so smart they think everything they say is deep. that statement could be deep if you were completely ignorant of everything ever. to me that's basically saying, you don't like some of obama's policies, does it give you pause that bin laden doesn't either?

one, the klan's disgust for interracial marriage comes from a place of hate and the belief that blacks can not be equal to whites and that any white person that "lowers" themselves to be with a black become less of a person as well.
whereas, the problem that some black women have with interracial marriage comes from a place of hurt and disappointment. to some women it even stems from an inferiority complex as opposed to the superiority one that goes along with klan thinking.

also, miss me again with that klan bullshit. PLENTY of normal white people would have a problem or even just a little hesitation with their family members bringing home a black person...including your liberal friends, and it has little to do with hurt or disappointment that they may not find white people attractive. what about the children, my ass.

honestly many black women are subliminally or overtly told daily by society and even their family/friends/acquaintances that they're not pretty enough/not light enough/their nose or lips are too big/their hair's too nappy and they need to do something with it/they're too curvy (some of us black women ARE too damn big...but that's not what i'm referring to right now).

artist carrie mae weems did a piece that had a black woman looking into a mirror and the caption says
mirror mirror on the wall
who's the finest of them all?
the mirror answered: snow white, you black bitch.
and don't you forget it!!!


that's not what's said literally (at least i hope not to some people) but that's the message that many young black girls get...especially if they don't look like *insertsexyblackcelebritythatsnotbeyoncehere*
and it's cute and all if you pop up and say 'i don't care what people think of me' but most people care what some people think of them to some degree.
however if a non-black woman has "black" features (big ass, lips) she's the second coming of jesus for some folks.

now...let's put all that together. some women may feel that mainstream society doesn't value them as beautiful. so they assume that at least men that look like them would find them beautiful and attractive. [but sometimes that's not even the case if you don't look like the ideal. i can't count how many times i've heard ig'nant ass negroes say they prefer light skinned girls. i'd buy the "it's just a preference" bit if it wasn't an overwhelming amount of dudes that say that. add in being told that natural hair is not attractive from dudes who have the same damn hair] also add in constantly being smacked upside the head by the media that black women outnumber black men and most of those negroes are in jail or gay anyway.

then picture this girl seeing a black dude with a white chick.

we KNOW that you can't help who you fall in love with, we KNOW (well some of us...) that just because a black dude dates a white girl doesn't mean that he hates himself and all black people. we KNOW all this shit...but still sometimes you gotta wince.

i'm not saying it's right or wrong...but i understand.

9 comments:

Danielle87 said...

Very well put. I'm not angry that black men chose to date non black women. It is a little disappointing but I'm far from mad. For me its like dang u think this girl is more attractive than me because of the women u see in the media?? I will never understand. I do remember this one guy in my english class last year had the NERVE to tell me that the reason why he was light skin was due to the fact that his ancestor's slave master kept them inside to do house work. While my ancestors on the other hand were stuck outside in the heat to work in the field. I was so shocked that he even fixed his lips to say that that I couldn't even respond. I regret not saying anything what can u say to somebody who is ignorant enough to even have those thoughts. I digress *sigh*. Very well put post though

Aminah K. ♠♣♥♦ said...

Couldn't agree more

Aminah K. ♠♣♥♦ said...

But you know what the funny thing is? those same Black me who refuse to date within their race, wince when they see a Black woman with a White guy or any other guy outside their race. Sigh.. good post

questionmark said...

loved this.

groupie moment aside, this op-ed (if i can call it that) is a strong stance. i can't say anything but give respect to it. I'MA BUG YOU FOR MORE OF THIS!!!

chanelblogs said...

You write such long blog entries but I always read every single word because your thoughts flow so smoothly. Honestly, the disclaimer isn't even needed.

But on the wince: I notice that I kind of do a double look when I see a black guy with a white girl. And I'm dating a white guy... I don't know what it is about this phenomenon, but I always take a second look. And I've noticed black guys kind of do the "really boo?" look when I'm with my very white boyfriend, so I get that. It is what is. Let's stop pretending the wince doesn't exist, or shake our heads at Jill Scott. She always keeps it real.

chanelblogs said...

You write such long blog entries but I always read every single word because your thoughts flow so smoothly. Honestly, the disclaimer isn't even needed.

But on the wince: I notice that I kind of do a double look when I see a black guy with a white girl. And I'm dating a white guy... I don't know what it is about this phenomenon, but I always take a second look. And I've noticed black guys kind of do the "really boo?" look when I'm with my very white boyfriend, so I get that. It is what is. Let's stop pretending the wince doesn't exist, or shake our heads at Jill Scott. She always keeps it real.

*~Miss M~* said...

I KNOW I'M LATE, BUT KUDOS! I have often felt not as valued as other women who seem to be put on a pedestal (and you try so hard to figure out WHY?) and this is painful!!! Regardless of what the other woman's race is it's not a good feeling!!!

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★Lisha☆ said...

I think the funniest thing is when a black guy (from personal experience) doesn't want to be TRULY bothered with you, just wants you because of shallow reasons, gets MAD at you for dating outside your race/skin colour. Or maybe they did not have an eye for you at all, but when they see you with an Asian male, or white, etc, they get all butt hurt. Not saying all black men are this way, but this is what I have experienced growing up in the hood.