bag lady.

random.

i decided to clean out my bag today after being picked on all the time since everyone says it looks like a diaper bag and not being able to find anything in the abyss. it's a computer bag which i got because the straps kept breaking on all the cute purses i had from all my shit. i'm buying a new asap.

contents include but not limited to

-camera
-3 books (the brief wondrous life of oscar wao and drown by junot diaz & the autograph man by zadie smith)
-2 cds (j.cole and lupe fiasco mixtape)
-box of crayons
-5 1/2 candy canes
-a bag (yes, a bag) of lotion...i don't even remember why that's in there
-3 different types of hand lotion
-2 pairs of earrings
-scotch tape (no idea why that's in there)
-deodorant
-3 tubes of mascara
-half used bottled of carols daughter hair milk that i kept trying to make work since i paid for it...hated it
-raisins

note how neither my keys, wallet, nor cell phone is in there?

i need to organize my life and minimize my space.

i feel like my bag is just indicative of other things i need to organize and get together

gah.

year one.

*warning...long post*

so...it's been about one year since the last relaxer and i kinda love it.

even in high school i thought about stopping perms, but i was so attached to my long straight hair. then when i got to college and got it cut off freshman year due to dead ends and unevenness, i thought even harder about it. when it started to get thin and contrary during the first semester of my junior year that was it for me.

i have infinitely less bad hair days. i used to feel like my hair was so thin and i hated stick-y ponytails. [we've all seen the hot mess stick-y ponytail...when the head might move but the hair doesn't and it sticks straight out looking a dreadful mess]
now even if my hair is extra frizzy and kinky, i can just make it bigger and put on a headband and it looks like i did it on purpose.

what do i with it? i'm glad you asked.

1) i don't put heat on my hair. at all. i don't even own a blowdryer or flat iron. [good thing since my janky ass apt doesnt have outlets in the fucking bathrooms]

2) i henna it once a month. i've been henna-ing my hair since sophomore year when i was still relaxed...i really like the conditioning treatment it gives my hair and the slight reddish tinge.
(TRY IT)

3) i have a satin pillowcase & comforter because i'm too lazy to put on a bonnet or whatever so i just hop in the bed at night after dabbing a little moisturizer and un-smush in the morning if necessary.

i'm still an oyinhandmade addict. [they make awesome youtube vids too, here's another that shows you their process. how can you not love a business like that?] i'm probably one of their most loyal customers since i end up ordering something from them every month. the only time i've strayed is with qhemetbiologics amla and olive heavy cream [pretty good product, it's always out of stock though] or one time with carols daughter when i ran out of oyin and needed something to hold me over...i HATE carols daughter but i digress. i recommend...everything oyin makes. [except my beloved honeyhemp conditioner and juices&berries aren't good for the cold winter...but every other season = holy grail]

i shampoo when necessary with dr. bronners castile soap or baking soda. mostly cowash with herbal essences hello hydration and sometimes leave-in with aubrey organics honeysuckle rose conditioner.
my hair is pickypickypicky. if cheap drugstore shit worked on it, i'd use it...but even my hair is bourgie. most cheap stuff leaves it dry or greasy/sticky...no bueno. i've tried making my own stuff but it's hit and [extreme] miss, so i just buy other folks' stuff.

pictorial recap? i'm glad you asked that too.

long hair in 06/07. i'd be lying if i said i didn't miss it...it'll be back soon enough.

thin w/scraggly ends in 08

[may] 5 months of transitioning, one night i just got irritated at the two textures and went to town in the bathroom. this is the day after i bc'd...kinda. note the permed ends still there

[june] ends still there. no idea why i was clinging on to hair i had to cut anyway.

[august] ends gone. have yet to learn the art of twisting/stretching my hair

[september] still haven't mastered twisting. my aforementioned texture differences are kinda noticeable here]

[november] started wearing twists out of the house. ignore my facial expression, i dont know any better

[mid-november] this is my version of a bad hair day now. it's disobedient, i put on a headband and ignore it

[december] twist-out mastered!

gratuitous. i took this last sunday cuz i thought i looked cute.

my hair stretched reaches my shoulders in a layered fashion.
i don't know if that's shorter or faster growth than normal.
so far i think this thing on my head is awesome. i have a lot more styling options and it grows so much faster. i've even inspired one of my best friends to consider it. [i doubt she'll actually go through, but it's a start] i love whenever i see a kinky comrade we always end up talking about hair and exchanging compliments and tips.

it's christmas eve and i'm out of juice...i've been tweaking this post for like a week. most people probably won't read this until i post again anyway since everybody's doing december things.

blahblahblah.
natural hair ftw.

been on repeat all day...

vanity.

self-portraiture on a bored sleepless tuesday morning.
my face in all it's un-made up glory.










gratuitous hair blog coming up soon?
most likely.

dear blu.

dear blu.
aka johnson barnes
can i call you john?
i love that your last name is barnes so that when i marry you in my dreams i don't actually have to change my last name.
frankly.
i love you.
you made me care about hip hop again.
(and you're cute and super-tall and witty but that's neither here, there, nor anywhere)
i even own a shirt with your face on it.
i don't do that often.
you release pure and utter gold

and then you fade to black.
doing a feature here and there is unacceptable
please stop playing with my emotions.

it was so nice of you to perform in raleigh on my 20th birthday this year.
please release another album by my 21st.
that would be grand.

thanks in advance.

lyrics to go V

Herfra hvor vi står,
kan vi se os omkring - til alle sider
Det bevæger sig når vi går
det forandrer sig i alle tider.

Vi har talt sammen næsten hele natten
og her der er vi så gået i stå.
Rundt om ligger folk og sover
jeg ved ikke rigtigt, hvorhen vi skal gå.

i've had this song on repeat for the past 2 days because for some odd reason it calms me...
then i googled the lyrics translation

From where we stand,
we see around us - on all sides
It moves when we go
it is changing at all times.

We talked almost all night
and here are we so stalled.
Around people are asleep
I do not really know where we should go.

...interesting

swimming

if you've read my blog before and you don't rock with little dragon by now, FAIL.

disjointed rant

*feel free to ignore this*

i haven't blogged in a while because i've simply lacked motivation to talk about anything...anything that does interest me has been overblogged and done to the point that anything i would write would just be unnecessary assholish fluff

i have no motivation...i average about 4 hrs of sleep a night doing absolutely nothing...
i envy those who know what they want to do after graduation since they have a goal to work towards...i honestly have absolutely no clue...so it's just like wtf am i doing this for? but then again most of those things that people know they are doing are things i have no interest in (law school, med school, teach for awhile)
they (who the fuck are they?) say that college is the best years of your life before you have real responsibilities...if these are the best years, i am fucked.


everything and everyone bores me.
everybody with their preening, and posing, and look-at-me-ness...it's sensory overload. and i'm a hypocrite! what am i doing now? talking about me me me.

i need minimalism...maybe i'll pull a janelle monae and only wear black and white and let my mind be the color

blah i'm just sick of everything
sick of school...i have b's in all my classes, this does not make me happy or sad...i don't care.
sick of work
sick of my face
but not sick of my hair...though i am sick of talking about it
sick of being ignored
sick of being seen
sick of halfass awards shows
sick of name brand clothes
sick of r&b bitches over bullshit tracks

i'm not even making sense anymore...
maybe i just need sleep.