Tuesday, February 10, 2009

from a cashier.

so i hold the lowly job of a cashier in a shitty campus store. but as a cashier, i have learned that a great number of people are simply retarded.
here are several things that you probably shouldn't do while at any retail establishment in order not to piss me off

1) don't ask me how much something is that you've brought to the counter, or the size of the item that you have picked out

what were you doing while you were shopping? isn't part of shopping looking at the price and making sure that it's the proper size that you need? or do you just skip through the stores picking up things hoping that you get lucky and pick up the right thing? stop.

2) this may just be me. but seriously, i don't care about your life.
again. i don't care about your life.
i don't need some drawn out explanation of why you're returning something or why you're buying 5 hershey bars. this also goes for talking on your phone around the register (which is kinda rude btw) telling everyone your personal business loud as fuck.
i'm looking at you, girl who was discussing how her crotch was hurting after some frat party last night. (i shit you not a girl was discussing this in public)
but yeah. i don't care.
unless you're attractive.
and do not assume you're attractive.
buy your shit and go away.

3) you know you have to pay money for whatever it is that you have. especially when you've been standing in line. can you at least know where your fucking wallet/money is before you get to the register?

4) pay attention. you look like an idiot swiping your card in the machine like you have parkinsons when i'm trying to ask you to clarify which way that you're paying. you know, before you decide that you actually want to pay with cash. asshole.

5) don't wink at me. perv.
and why do girls wink? that is the weirdest thing ever.

6) if i say we're closing in 10 minutes. that does not mean that you have 15 minutes to come in and shop. it means turn around and go away.

i could list other annoyances but my study break is over.
if you just start with those things...i and all my cashier brethren won't overcharge you or "accidently" drop your change on the floor


Choir Boy said...

This was hilarious.
I think I've been discouraged from standing in your line. I was going to wink once, too. j/k. Funny as hell though. Good luck on your exam.

Derek said...

Um...that's soooo the reason I "quit."

And why I got another job as the MULTI-FUCKIN'-TALENTED CASHIER who can ring you up, make your drink, and wipe up your shit after you spill it all in one fell swoop. At least, that's what some of my co-workers think.