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i hate new years resolutions.
they're stupid and pointless and most people forsake them by february.

but i'm not making a resolution.
i'm making a decree.

from this point forward. not just this coming year.

i'm going to prove myself right.

darkie toothpaste

it literally says black man toothpaste in what i'm assuming is chinese
best. souvenir. ever.
thanks derek!

fuck.

am i the only person who has no idea what to do when they get home?
i'm used to either being at school or working or at least having something planned to do with friends.

i don't really watch t.v., at least when the sun is still up
i'll start watching a show and just sort of wander out of the room.
i've caught up on my blog reading and watched all my latest youtube subscriptions.
surfed facebook and flickr.
strongly avoiding the urge to spend money on clothes
i watched slumdog millionaire [awesome] and wall-e [a little too cute]
my mom keeps walking over and looking at me every 20 minutes.

grrrr.
i'm off to waste gas.

they still make you?!?!

i went out to dinner with one of my old friends and she brought her boyfriend along whom i had never met before.
so we were making catch-up conversation and i asked her how they got together.

basically in the beginning they met though a mutual friend [at prayer service, no less]
and one day he showed up at her apt. asking to use her phone charger and they hung out every day after that however with no official title [only hugging and holding hands, my friend is very religious]

he then said that because he they hadn't defined their relationship, they should step back to being just friends until they had decided they were on the same page, to my friend's chagrin of course since she thought they were in the midst of forming a relationship. he then suggests that they both read this book about the 10 steps of courtship [or some shit, idk] that he bought for the both of them.

well.
on valentine's day, this guy goes and sets up a romantic evening with the stereotypical candlelit dinner, rose petals on the table and around it with a single rose on the table, while wearing a white suit. and then officially asks her to be his girlfriend.

let me repeat that.
he does all of this.
to ask her to be his girlfriend.
he did all of this for a girl that he was not dating. had not fucked. had not even kissed.


in my mind i was thinking...



what.


this happens in real life and not in a lifetime or disney movie?

isn't this the age of - you meet somebody and you kinda hang out for a month or so and then you might make out or fuck. and then you kinda look at each other and shrug and just kinda guess you're in a relationship now or one of you just decides it by declaring you're in a relationship on facebook and the other one thinks 'hmmm i guess we are in a relationship now huh' and accepts. occasionally you'll just have one of you refer to the other in a possesive way, and you kinda just roll with it. those what are we talks are unnecessarily awkward.

all i could hear was chris rock in my head when he was talking about women who don't give head
"they still make you?!?!?!"

it didn't raise any stupid disney-like hopes that i would find someone like that because i'm not a particularly mushy romantical person. and they're extra christian while i am...not. i couldn't deal with a really religious man. but dudes don't even really try nowadays, [in the non-hollahollaholla situations i.e. meeting at a party] mostly girls kind of give guys REALLY big hints and if they're too thick-headed to notice the girl will go right out with it...and i'm too retarded for all that.




meh.
still working on that house full of dogs.


p.s. i loathe holidays. another reason why i can't have kids. they would be so depressed around this time. there would be no decorations or yuletide or even church christmas plays. they might get an unwrapped present or at best one wrapped in newspaper. and they'd have no delusions that an old fat white man gave it to them. fuck that. i bought it, they're going to know mommy worked her ass off to buy them a shitty toy made in china that they won't care about next month.

it's a little dragon kind of day.

huzzah.
nothing to do but drive around and stimulate the economy with my mental jukebox on this album makes me content.

barry.

only because i'm bored and i love these photos

in other news.
breaks suck.
i'm never sure what exactly to do with myself.

how cute.

there's this new temporary girl that is working at my job who happens to be of the caucasian persuasion.

this, by itself, is nothing new at all [except that she doesn't go to unc]

but i think she may be the most sheltered person i have ever met in my life.
most of the people that are working at my job over christmas break happen to be of a non-white persuasion.

and it's so cute how she is so fascinated with brown people.

she saw a black girl come in with a natural and she just stared at her hair. and then she was like ohmygoodness her hair is so cool. we also started talking about hair and haircuts. [it was unrelated to that black girl's hair] and she interjected how much she liked my hair [i'm doing this no heat thing so my hair was down in some sort of frizzy/straight hybrid]
i kinda brushed it off and didn't think anything of it.

but then a group with white/south asian/east asian guys came in. and after they left she said, "wow, this school is so diverse!" [in a cute cheery way]
so i was like you don't have indians at your school?
well the school that she goes to [unc-pembroke] is known for having a lot of native american students since a lot of them live in that area. but for the most part that's the main minority that she is accustomed to interacting with. but no she had never seen a south asian person at her school. and she was so excited when she met one of my coworkers who is part native american, guess because it was something that she was used to.

another incident where some hispanic people came in and they were speaking in spanish to one another, and the girl [as i'm told since i wasn't there] just stared at them. and then said, "ohmygosh are you speaking spanish?!?" one of my coworkers is puerto rican and he was working with her [we kind of rotate so we don't get too bored] and one of the adult staff members also happens to be puerto rican. so she proceeded to ask them a shitload of dumb questions about puerto rico such as whether they have mcdonald's and wal-marts and other things of that nature.


now all that is said to say this.
why do people like her still exist?
maybe i take for granted that i grew up in a relatively diverse environment in which people of other races were not all that fascinating.
some of my coworkers were kinda perturbed with her ignorance, but i found it kind of charming...like a 5 year old really. i'd rather her be fascinated and think different races are amazing than the alternative.

tonight i'm cleaning out my [camera]

[^^click if you care to read the large version]

i'm content since i didn't do as shitty as i thought in my classes.
i was one class short of my no-c's goal though.
it was a c+ too
bleh.

apparently this is my 100th post.
*shrugs*

sigh

yet another mediocre semester out of the way.

i'm no dumb student...i realize that i'm lazy and that's not fucking cute.
i'll be doing ok in a class with like a b or even an a and then i usually manage to do something retarded like stop going to class or not getting easy credit points which results in my grades dropping so that i look like a mediocre dumbass.

i've always been the lazy quasi-smart kid [i hate referring to myself as smart]

so i'm really working on getting my shit together before i have to go out in the real world.

so i will enjoy my winter break and while i'm reading my newly purchased autobiography of miles davis, i'll be looking for research work so i can at least look like a marketable potential employee.




shit.

i'm not a photographer

but i love taking photos.
i'm too poor [to afford all the proper accoutrement] and unskilled to be an actual photographer, lol. one b+w class does not a photographer make.
i hate that everyone thinks they're a model/photographer/rapper/singer/fashion designer/poet/blahblahblah nowadays. too many wannabe artists, not enough people to simply appreciate it.

i'm a proud appreciator.


i would love to date a photographer though.
or any kind of artist for that matter [except rappers. no rappers. it's become a bit cliche that every other black guy i meet is a fucking rapper]
i love artistic people.
i think i like to glom onto their talent and live vicariously through them since my only real talent is being a philosophical genius [i kid]

i admire the fact that some people can take nothing and create gold.
but photographers can take the mundane everyday things that we walk by and make them breathtakingly gorgeous. it takes someone who looks at the world through a special lens [and not the camera one] to amplify those things. i want to dig into the mind of a person like that.

what was the point of this post?
idk...i just ramble on this bitch when i'm bored and in front of a computer...
i should be studying for my 2 exams tomorrow.

the internet is so distracting.
yay for the 10.deep x dj benzi mixtape and boondocksbootleg youtube channel for providing me with reasons to stare at the computer and play solitaire rather than studying.





hmmm...i want to go to the thrift store.

okley by m.i.a.

i love you as much as the next quasi-blipster maya.
but $75 for a t-shirt?
diapers ain't that expensive.

if i were a boy...

i'd be a fucking manwhore.

this was all started by this weird dream that i had that i was a hermaphrodite...with a really huge dick [if you know what that dream means in some metaphoric way...let me know]

anyway.

my friend and i were discussing that if we were men, we'd probably be whores. like have a revolving door of women...a stable if you will.

and only because women let men do shit like that.
i know numerous women who KNOW the dude they're with is fucking other women. and they don't say shit.

and i know several women who KNOW a dude is in a relationship and don't give a fuck.

i'm not saying it's all the women's fault. men aren't mindless animals who don't know right from wrong. but you can only say no so many times.

there is no hope.
boom.
i'm gonna get started on my houseful of dogs.

evening gatha.

Let me respectfully remind you,

Life and death are of supreme importance.

Time passes by swiftly and opportunity is lost.

Each of us should strive to awaken.

Awaken.

Take heed, do not squander your life.

BARRY.

i need some new boondocks in my life.

52%

so according to the time magazine i was reading yesterday...52% of black women are obese. compared to 31% of everybody else [black men, white men and women] nevermind the fact that americans apparently are fat as fuck.

52%!?!?!?

are you fucking kidding me?!

i have now made it my personal goal in life not to become one of that 52%
i'm not fat but i should really watch myself before i creep up to that 52%
i've always said i don't want to be one of those stereotypical fat black bitches [anybody who knows me, knows i'm a profane person, i should stop calling people bitches and cunts]

well i ate my last fast food meal for a while yesterday.

i shall miss my fat laden coffee drinks the most...


50 fucking 2 percent

we need to do better.